


Mission: seduce and destroy

by Alexanderthegreatestgay



Category: Spies Are Forever - Talkfine/Tin Can Brothers
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Fire, Humor, Nudity, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 18:05:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9249572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexanderthegreatestgay/pseuds/Alexanderthegreatestgay
Summary: Curt is charged with tracking down and seducing a clever agent who has been tapping the Agency's networks for intelligence and seducing it's people.





	

When Curt walks into Cynthia’s office she immediately groans.

“You asked me here,” says Curt, affronted.

 “Ye-e-es,” she stretches out, “and I _asked_ you to wear your best suit, you gormless fuckmonkey.”

“This is my best suit,” says Curt, putting one hand over his lapel as if to protect it. 

“That shitstained dishrag is not anyone’s best anything. Burn it.”

“This is a great suit, what are you talking abou-”

“Susan, burn that atrocity, on or off him.”

“what the-, Jesus, alright, alright,” he says hurriedly, stripping of his clothes, “just put the lighter away, okay?”

He stands in his boxers, hands up in surrender.

“Dear lord in fucking heaven, we are going to need a goddamn miracle for this to work,” Cynthia said, looking at him shivering awkwardly, half naked. “Sit the fuck back down, this isn’t a fucking Calvin Klein shoot.”

Curt does, crossing his arms over his self-consciously. “Do you want to tell me what in hell this is about, now you’ve almost set me on fire?”

She shoots him a glare. “We have reason to believe, you impertinent asshole, that there’s another nation tapping into our networks. Agents have reported suspicious questions being asked, informants reporting already having talked to us, even files being stolen from operatives. And last week, that absolute fuckbrained hick Archie, was found dead in a hotel room, his briefings and code stolen, after spilling every goddamn secret he knew like some kind of fucking amateur. So, what does that tell you, Mega?” She demanded, lighting a cigarette impatiently.

“Uh… someone seduced him?”

“Yes, someone seduced him, you thundering dolt,” she said, jabbing her cigarette at him, “What it should have told you, if you had any idea how to do your god damn job, is that I want you to find out absolutely fucking everything about this nosy bitch. Who is she working for, what does she know, and which agents have been compromised. And if you can’t kill her I want her working for us, because she’s clearly better than half my goddamn payroll if they can’t fucking catch her.” She sighs, “God, I wish I could get Owen on this mission, he’d charm the fucking pants off her in seconds.”

Curt bristled. “I can be charming,” he says defensively.

She barks a laugh. “You couldn’t fucking charm a fish into swimming, Mega. And with M16 fucked off about that surveillance mission you incalculably fucked in London- ”

“I got the blueprints, didn’t I?”

“By STEALING THEM! Now the entire fucking country knows we were spying on them.”

“But they knew we were spying on them. They’re spying on us, too.”

“But we didn’t make them publicly admit it, you clueless donkey! You have as much goddamn subtlety as a firecracker filled with blow, I swear if I had any other option-. But at least I can count on you not to be seduced by this philandering fuck.”

“What? Why?” said Curt, panicked.

“Quit your fuckery, Mega, I’m not going to fire you. I just need you to seduce the fucking girl, and get the fucking intel. Close your eyes and imagine it’s Marlon Brando, I don’t give a fuck, just get the fucking job done.

Now fuck off and do some fucking sit ups or something, you look like a sack of potatoes in a wig.”

Curt nodded, bewildered, and went to the door, as Cynthia yelled after him,

“And put some clothes on, you moronic fuck, this is the American Secret Service not a fucking nudist colony!”


End file.
